Sunday, 26 May 2013

WARRIORS, ROMANCE, AND JEALOUSY PERFECT FOR 8 SENTENCE SUNDAY


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As I'm only a weekend writer of Romance, Darrah is still having trouble with Sark Hale Tarla. In a time long past in our history, a Sarkisian ship is stranded on Earth. Assimilation is at an early stage but it has not proven to be an easy option for either people. Now, Hale has been assigned to Darrah and her arm of men. His role is to smooth over any diplomatic - or worse - problems that might arise in the Outlands, where the Sarkisians were allowed to settle, when they are sent to find the missing human heir to the Thorn Throne, Erishdren. Rogue Sarkisians are thought to have been behind the abduction.




“Why didn’t you tell Rylo what happened between us?” Hale asked from his position on boulder at the edge of the camp.
“You have no right to use his proper name,” Darrah snapped.
“He is your lover?”
He observed how Darrah’s back became stiff, registered the increase in her heart rate, and how her pupils dilated.
“He is Second of this arm – anything beyond that designation is none of your business.”
Hale calculated the possibility that Darrah might have had a deeper relationship with Rylo before he shook his head and relaxed his shoulders. “All truths that could be related to the disappearance of your future king are my business.”


DONALD MAASS WRITE TIP #99

Blah scene? What changes here? Exactly when? How would an outside observer know? Add that. 

WHAT CHANGE TAKES PLACE IN YOUR WWW 8?

36 comments:

  1. Hale doesn't seem to have a really smooth method of smoothing things. She might as well cut him into pieces.

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    1. This is great advice! ;) It is also in-line with Darrah's natural instincts. She is naturally prejudiced against the off-worlders.
      The trouble is, Hale, a Sarkisian, is unfamiliar with the nuances of human interaction and less fluent in "English" than a native speaker. He is also battling against his cultural norms which insist that all living things should be honoured to service Sarkisians with the energy they need. Unstated, but shown- is the fact that Hale won't even stand on the grass if there's an alternative because he can't abide seeing the plants yellow under his feet.

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  2. Lovely snippet! I enjoyed the way you set up the conflict and the last line is really good!

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    1. Hi Lauren
      Thank you. I'm glad Hale has remembered why he is there too ;)

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  3. Great conflict through dialogue.
    ~Summer

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    1. Hi Summer
      Thank you. They are so deep in conflict I'm not surprised neither of them can move ;)

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  4. Hmm, something tells me his interest in her status doesn't stem from only professional reasons. Great snippet!

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    1. Hi Linda
      I wanted us to know that better than he does. I hope that came over in the piece.

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  5. Well good point, he does have a major mystery to solve. But I'm with Linda, I have a feeling there's nonprofessional interest too. Really an excellent excerpt!

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    1. Hi Veronica
      Darrah is supposed to be the one investigating the disappearance Hale is overstepping - as usual ;)

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  6. Yeah, he's got more than a mystery on his mind. Nice 8.

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    1. Hi Elaine
      I think you may be right *hehehe

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    1. Hi stevie-carrol
      Thank you. I like the fact that you could pick up on how they are both having their perceptions challenged.

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  8. Replies
    1. Hi Kate
      Thank you. I hope they are.

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  9. I'm not sure yet if Darrah's protesting too much that she's not Ryo's lover, or ignoring too hard that something happened between Hale and her. . .

    Either way, excellent moment!

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    1. Hi Sarah
      I think she's blooming furious; but, as the leader, she has learned to hold back her knee-jerk reactions ;)

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  10. Love the writing tip. Sometimes when I force myself to write forward, but aren't really feeling it, I realize I'm filling space between point A and point B. What changes here? What a great question to ask. Really helpful in giving direction.

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    1. Hi Erin
      Thank you, although I can't take all the credit for the idea that was all Donald Maass.

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  11. Very nice snippet and I really like Hale's last statement--indicates interesting times may be ahead for Darrah.

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    1. Hi Susan
      Thank you.
      For Darrah, Hale is the keeper of the past and the key to the future.

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  12. I like the tension in their dialogue.

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    1. Hi Carrie-Anne
      Thank you. I hope it all read as understated by vitriolic on both sides.

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  13. I like "missing human heir to the Thorn Throne, Erishdren". A great mystery. The last statement, “All truths that could be related to the disappearance of your future king are my business.”, could have multiple meanings. What an intrigue!

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    1. Hi Red
      We have secrets wrapped up in mysteries all topped off with conundrums ;)

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  14. I like the innuendo in the last line too. So does he mean everything like even truths of a personal nature? Hummm... good snippet.

    History Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders

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    1. Hi Cindy
      I think he means most of everything -- and a lot of the things relating to Darrah.

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  15. Nice snippet. I sense there is more going on between Hale and Darrah or more to come.

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    1. Hi Mona
      Thank you. There has been enough going on to ensure there should be more following along later ;)

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  16. Ooh that is intriguing. :-D I also think something's going on between Hale and Darrah.

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    1. Hey Misha
      Thank you. There is going to be plenty of friction ;) one way or the other.

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  17. Good dialogue, a great snippet!

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    1. Hi Susan
      Thank you. I'm having a lot of fun thinking about this relationship.

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  18. Hale is certainly focused on her. Interesting!

    Love your blog content!

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    1. Hi Melisse
      Hale is definitely distracted from the task he has been sent to undertake.

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