Thursday 29 December 2011

LIKE 1ST PERSON

I read a lot of MG and YA fiction. I research what agents and editors say about the submissions they receive and the ones they are looking for.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about the merits, and the difficulties of writing in 1st person.

When it comes to 1st person narratives, all advice says there needs to be a strong voice.

A great voice needs to be:

·         unique to the character
·         unique in the genre
·         distinct in a way it compliments the story.

During the last couple of days, when I wasn’t supposed to be writing, I have discovered things I have been aware of but never really understood:

That the immediacy of a scene and the intensity of the protagonist's situation is much more intense in 1st person.

That writing 1st person is a great way to catch the readers attention and to retain it.

In preparation for starting my writing course, and because I should be writing my current wip;) I decided to experiment with the affects of writing in 1st person.

My MG novel, STAYING LOST, was originally written in 3rd person with alternating limited perspectives. 

I decided, at that time, that this was necessary because of the demands of the story. Lots of action took place when Jon wasn’t present so I didn’t want to be limited to a single person’s awareness. 

Even the title was seen from Jon's bodyguard, Nerysa's POV.

Then it occurred to me that, from Jon’s perspective, the fact that he doesn’t know what is going on is a major theme in the story.

Everything that happens beyond Jon’s life is either backstory – which only I need to know – or else it is incidental and it detracts from the way Jon experiences his new life.

What I have learned from this experiment is that everyone has to select the point of view that evokes the greatest range of emotional response and the greatest degree of engagement from the reader.

Even when you think you have finished with a project it might be worth experimenting with a section in more than one POV. I was surprised by the results.

JJ ASHTON, NO RANSOM REQUIRED
CHAPTER 1
WHY RUN?

It was the final rugby match of the season and the crowd was doing a great job of putting me off my game. First they’d been shouting and dancing. Then, when I’d got used to that, they began chanting my name: Ashton, Ashton. 
It wouldn’t be the end of my life if I missed my shot. I glanced across at the crowd. Suddenly, I less sure of my survival. They were doing something like a zombie shuffle, clawing at their scarves and creeping up to the edge of the line: Ashton! Ashton!
My name sounded more like a threat than encouragement. No problem. Four hundred to one, and I’d only had to kick to convert the try.
            “Jon? What’s up?”
            I looked back to Toby. 
            In his red and black and muddy kit, he looked unreasonably happy. He imitated me, running on the spot he pretended to take the kick, “We don’t have all day.”
“Right, I’ll get a jog on and just knock it over?”
“You take your time,” Toby said. He grinned. “Get it right. It’s on your head; it's not like anyone is going to be blaming us, if you miss.”
I hoped I wasn't about to lose my head but the touchline was packed with Tudors. That only happens at Tudor School, these days. Dressed in doublets and capes, it looked like every Tudorian for the last four hundred years had made it to the game. Everyone who mattered was there, except my Dad.

For comparison, this is the original opening of the MG novel. 

STAYING LOST
CHAPTER 1
WHY RUN WHEN YOU CAN RIDE?
Jon ran as if his life depended on it, but his feet slid dangerously in the mud. He tightened his fingers, gripped harder. Squinting into the sun, sweat dripped into his eyes, but he did not dare rub it away. There were muffled sounds he strained to understand, but the roaring, on every side, made that impossible. He kept his eyes open, and ran straight and fast. There was no one who could help him now.
A nail, and then a finger, scraped and slid across his arm.
No! He wouldn’t let it happen. He raised his knees higher, and slammed his feet down hard. Jon grunted, in his head it was a laugh. Nothing would stop him, this time. He ground his teeth together, sucking air through gaps like straws.  He swerved right, then dipped and side-stepped left. He grinned, when he heard a curse as a body hit the floor behind him. He measured the distance between him and the white posts, and his legs didn’t feel so heavy any more. Relief and lack of oxygen made his head spin. Altering his approach, Jon passed directly under the post. When he wanted to throw himself into the mud, he settled for placing the ball and spinning. He faced the players who were stampeding towards the line, only those wearing red were grinning.
Celebrations could come later. The score was tied. Only minutes remained. They needed the points from the conversion kick. Jon focussed on the centre of the pitch, and the kick. He didn’t look at the crowd, still jumping around on the sidelines. Either his Dad was there, or he wasn’t. Jon hoped, but he didn’t look across to check. Disappointment would really ruin his aim. The real sadness bubbled, until he squashed it back. It was his mother who couldn’t be there on the touch line.
The crowds who gathered see Tudor triumph over their greatest rivals, Stanmore College, and win the Schools’ Rugby League, froze. Moments before, they had been shouting and dancing. Now, like zombies, they shuffled forward drawn towards the spot where Jon stood. Hands clawed at the scarves whipping around their faces.

The feedback I got from the original opening was that they felt cheated: it was deceitful to suggest Jon's life was endangered and to not have him in real and immediate danger. I thought the phrase "as if his life depended on it" had that covered. However... 

There is no mistaking what is happening in the 1st person opening. I think there's still too much back story.


Does 1st person draw the reader into the story more quickly?

Tuesday 27 December 2011

FANTASY FROM AGING KNOWLEDGE AND A NEW PERSPECTIVE - Guy Laramee

In the Bank Holiday lull, before shopping and the next mincepie, I found myself (again) inspired by art.

Enter into the world created by Guy Laramee.



Multi-talented, this artist can sing, sculpt, paint and write.

He excavates encyclopaedias that are dense with aging knowledge and old perspectives, until he reveals the fantastic.

His most famous carved landscapes and structures are Biblios and The Great Wall.

The old books could have been landfill or pulp, Guy Laramee has taken old knowledge and made it timeless. Every image is fiction made by imagination, art and science: science-fiction :D


WHAT DO YOU THINK SHOULD HAPPEN TO OLD BOOKS?

Of course, first I'd like to make some old books of my own ;)

Sunday 25 December 2011

SIX SENTENCE SUNDAY - DRAWN - so cold life is brittle

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!


I'm late posting my SIX FOR SUNDAY, can't imagine what slowed me down.


When I'm not writing MG I slide over to the dark side of paranormal where too many people are out for what they can get and they take it indiscriminately.


DRAWN


Darrah is The Arm of Elthor's Corp - this gives her responsibility for the men she selects to train and to lead. Her secret mission is to find the Regal's heir who has been taken. The evidence suggests that The Sarkisians - who, with their unusual powers and their need to feed directly from the living, are hated and feared - are responsible. Darrah, who has personal reasons to want all that race to husk and crumble is finding it hard deal with her reactions to Hale who has been sent to find out who, or what, is trying to destroy the fragile peace between their peoples.




Darrah doesn't trust Hale, he has too many secrets and way too much power. 


This is my snowy SUNDAY 6:


Hood pulled forward and with her head down, Darrah stumbled through the blizzard until she believed she’d put a safe distance between them. When all she could hear was the screaming wind and heavy falling snow, Darrah threw herself down and crawled under the low skirting branches of a tall pine tree. The bitter cold followed her. At first it misted the air with her breath. Tired and aching, Darrah hugged her arms around her knees. Warm, at last, she rested her cheek on the clumps of snow that still crisped the surface of her clothes and closed her eyes.

All comments are always welcome :)

I hope you are having a wonderful holiday and that there is peace and joy in your life, now and during the new year too.

Tuesday 20 December 2011

Exclusive DOCTOR WHO 2011 Xmas Special Trailer





I’m on a countdown to Christmas, possibly for all the wrong reasons.

First, I love to sing carols in a venue with serious height and amazing acoustics.

Second, I love being the one in charge of washing up pots and drinking bubbly while the household’s version of Master Chef demands magic from raw ingredients.

Third, I can’t wait for the Dr Who Christmas Special to air.

Dr Who on Christmas Day?

Magic.

WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING YOU IN SCHOOL, THESE DAYS?

Time Lord wisdom #1: Panthers are terrifying.
Time Lord wisdom #2: There’s no such thing as foretelling.
Time Lord wisdom #3: Doors are irresistible.

Inside info says to watch out for “Matt Smith and a smile that will smash your heart to pieces.”

 APART FROM THE SERIOUS, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS CHRISTMAS?

Sunday 18 December 2011

SPACE AND TIME FOR REVISIONS

HELP!! I would appreciate a few thoughts at the second draft stage.


I've nearly completed the manuscript for MORTIMER CHILTON AND THE COLLECTIVE so it is time to start thinking Query and Submission.


This is the pitch and the first 250 words of the manuscript so any thoughts, at this early stage, would be HUGE and HUG-WORTHY ;)


Mortimer’s gaming identifies him as Psych. With the help of a friend, he escapes being implanted with an external control chip. It seems to be a pointless save when Mortimer finds it impossible to locate the source of power, in his scrambled brain. But when The Collective is invaded Mortimer blasts his Psych-skills from Beginner to something deadly. 


# 2 Thanks to Shannon Duffy and Amy L Sonnichsen for their thoughts on the pitch


Playing a gamer challenge identifies Mortimer as some kind of Psychic. With the help of a friend, he avoids being implanted with an external control chip. It seems to be a pointless save when Mortimer can't find or use his powers. When The Collective is invaded, can Mortimer blast his Psych-skills from Beginner basic into something deadly? 


I'm still working on this one:


MORTIMER CHILTON AND THE COLLECTIVE


What is the main conflict for Mortimer?
What must he do/sacrifice to resolve it?
What are the consequences if he fails?



MORTIMER CHILTON AND THE COLLECTIVE
CHAPTER 1
BLAST 

“What?” Mortimer asked. His heart slipshifted like the ship did when they dropped into standard orbit. “Me? Wha–”
“Mortimer. Pack. Now.” Fast, like she couldn’t catch her breath, his parent said, “I told you to go and get your things together.”
“Why?” Mortimer pulled back his shoulders and tried to stand a little taller. He locked his knees and elbows straight. “Why am I packing?”
“You played The Challenge.”
As if he could hide the rough pads, Mortimer tucked his thumbs inside his fists. He didn’t get it, he’d been careful. Every time he logged on he used someone else's I-dent. His plan to beat C-Deep was a fail.
 “I told you it wasn’t a game,” she stared at the ceiling and sighed. “Mortimer, there are reasons… consequences, for every action.”
 “Wh-where are you sending me?”
“To The Collective. There, perhaps, you can learn discipline. I should be along to visit you. Maybe. Mortimer, I am expecting you to get things under control.” She spun around. The identpad reverberated when she hit lock and hurried into the gym.
Mortimer left when the light on the entrypad flickered from green to lock-out red.
As usual no one was sent to help him but, on his Inf-pad, Mortimer found someone had programmed everything he needed: information in clear and easy to follow photo-vids. The first had the title: “How To Fold A Tee-shirt” and the next was called: “Packing For The Longer Journey.” There were less useful tips in: “The Safe Way To Carry A Heavy Suitcase.” Although knee bending and weightlifting were useful skills, Mortimer found dragging his case behind him using the belt from his best overalls worked pretty well.

Thank you.
I always appreciate feedback I receive.

Hope you are more organised for the holiday season than I am. I really must think about going shopping ;) 

Thursday 15 December 2011

STOLEN: INCLUDING 9 THINGS LEARNED

AUSTIN KLEON:
A WRITER WHO DRAWS

































Austin Kleon's book How To Steal Like An Artist is out in March 2012. It is on my to be read list. 
I love all things writing, poetical and artistic. Take a look at his website, he weaves words and images with presence.
His poster (which started this off) is amazing, I loved his advice.


What I loved even more than his calendar - which I haven't shown here - was his  notebook, which he describes as his Logbook. Austin suggests you set targets but also that you celebrate, in the log, everything you succeed in doing. 




The Logbook is not intended to be a conventional diary. 


DO YOU KEEP NOTES ON A CALENDAR OR A LOG OF DAILY EVENTS?

Tuesday 13 December 2011

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HELP YOU GET TO KNOW YOUR CHARACTER?

While he was digging through the archives, Mortimer found the assessment sheet the Staff carried out on him.
PSYCH ABILITIES - SUMMARY SCORE SHEET
STUDENT: Mortimer Chilton
TEST ADMINISTRATOR: Staff
PSYCHIC DOMAIN
SCALE SCORE
PROFICIENCY LEVEL
THREAT
Apportation:
materialisation, disappearance, or teleportation of an object
a)    Small
b)    Large

0/10
E
NONE
0/10
E
NONE
Bilocation:
evidence of physically being able to be present in two places at the same time

0/10
E
NONE
Biofield healing:
evidence of healing by channelling energy
a)    Self
b)    Other

0/10
E
NONE
0/10
E
NONE
Precognition:
shows perception of future events before they happen.

0/10
E
NONE
Psychokinesis:
The ability to manipulate matter, space, time or energy.
a)    Electrical
b)    Mechanical
c)    Physical
d)    Real time
i)              Internal
ii)             External
iii)            Distant
 
No evidence
E
NONE


















Psychometry:
the ability to obtain information about a person or object
a)    Past,
b)    Present
c)    At some point in the future.
0/10
E
NONE






Retrocognition
Perceives past events as sequences of real time action
0/10
E
NONE
Telepathy
a)      The ability to transfer his thoughts or emotions to others
b)      Reading other's thoughts.



E
NONE



1/10
B
MILD
Transvection
a) Bodily levitation
b) Flying

E
NONE

E
NONE
This is an unpromising student, I have identified no evidence of psychic skill. All tests and observations show a mild ability to receive direction which could be useful if Mortimer were assigned  to support a more talented psychic.


DESCRIPTION OF PROFICIENCY LEVELS
ENTERING
Knows and uses minimal skill for brief periods or unconsciously and without direction
BEGINNING
Knows and uses skills although output may be weak and of limited range
DEVELOPING
Knows and uses skills with some independence although needs some direction and external support
EXPANDING
Knows and uses skills with independence and without the need for supervision or direction
BRIDGING
Knows, uses and seeks to extend the limits of known psychic abilities
REACHING
Controls and uses all psychic abilities without control or limitations

Mortimer found out the Staff couldn't read him at all.

I CREATED AN ASSESSMENT CRITERIA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HELP YOU GET TO KNOW YOUR CHARACTER?