I've nearly completed the manuscript for MORTIMER CHILTON AND THE COLLECTIVE so it is time to start thinking Query and Submission.
This is the pitch and the first 250 words of the manuscript so any thoughts, at this early stage, would be HUGE and HUG-WORTHY ;)
Mortimer’s gaming identifies him as Psych. With the help of a friend, he escapes being implanted with an external control chip. It seems to be a pointless save when Mortimer finds it impossible to locate the source of power, in his scrambled brain. But when The Collective is invaded Mortimer blasts his Psych-skills from Beginner to something deadly.
# 2 Thanks to Shannon Duffy and Amy L Sonnichsen for their thoughts on the pitch
Playing a gamer challenge identifies Mortimer as some kind of Psychic. With the help of a friend, he avoids being implanted with an external control chip. It seems to be a pointless save when Mortimer can't find or use his powers. When The Collective is invaded, can Mortimer blast his Psych-skills from Beginner basic into something deadly?
I'm still working on this one:
MORTIMER CHILTON AND THE COLLECTIVE
What is the main conflict for Mortimer?
What must he do/sacrifice to resolve it?
What are the consequences if he fails?
MORTIMER CHILTON AND THE COLLECTIVE
CHAPTER 1
BLAST
“What?” Mortimer asked. His heart slipshifted like the ship did when they dropped into standard orbit. “Me? Wha–”
“Mortimer. Pack. Now.” Fast, like she couldn’t catch her breath, his parent said, “I told you to go and get your things together.”
“Why?” Mortimer pulled back his shoulders and tried to stand a little taller. He locked his knees and elbows straight. “Why am I packing?”
“You played The Challenge.”
As if he could hide the rough pads, Mortimer tucked his thumbs inside his fists. He didn’t get it, he’d been careful. Every time he logged on he used someone else's I-dent. His plan to beat C-Deep was a fail.
“I told you it wasn’t a game,” she stared at the ceiling and sighed. “Mortimer, there are reasons… consequences, for every action.”
“Wh-where are you sending me?”
“To The Collective. There, perhaps, you can learn discipline. I should be along to visit you. Maybe. Mortimer, I am expecting you to get things under control.” She spun around. The identpad reverberated when she hit lock and hurried into the gym.
Mortimer left when the light on the entrypad flickered from green to lock-out red.
As usual no one was sent to help him but, on his Inf-pad, Mortimer found someone had programmed everything he needed: information in clear and easy to follow photo-vids. The first had the title: “How To Fold A Tee-shirt” and the next was called: “Packing For The Longer Journey.” There were less useful tips in: “The Safe Way To Carry A Heavy Suitcase.” Although knee bending and weightlifting were useful skills, Mortimer found dragging his case behind him using the belt from his best overalls worked pretty well.
Thank you.
I always appreciate feedback I receive.
Hope you are more organised for the holiday season than I am. I really must think about going shopping ;)
