Sunday, 25 September 2011


In this weekly feature, participants post six sentences of their work. Like the flowers, we all hope to attract a little attention.

We also hope to get a little feedback on the work.

Thank you if you made a visit. 

Thanks again if you commented. 

Welcome if you are a new visitor, today’s list is sooooo long.  

I apologise for posting so late; Sunday don't-cha-know ;)

For a list of this week’s participants, click here.

This is a small section of the novel I work on when I forget I am supposed to be writing MG.

DRAWN is romantic fiction – currently at 25,000 words. The section below is from very near the start.

Let me know what you think!

       Darrah crawled beyond the camouflaged walls of the hide hidden in the canopy of the Great Oak Tree. She hardly noticed when the twigs scraped at her cheek, one leaving a mark just below her eye. The man had stopped on the crest of the hill, highlighted in the rays of the setting sun. Poised there, his lean frame resembled a tarroch – a tree stripped of branch and bark, hardened by the elements, carved with skill – the strength of nature itself. Although she had reached the place where the branch was thin and the danger should outweigh her need to see the man more clearly, Darrah pushed herself closer to the edge; she knew, without seeing him move, that there were only moments until he would turn and run and leave. The wood beneath her fingers crumbled, the snap registered, and yet she leaned forward to catch an unrestricted view of the runner.


I missed the second Campaigner's Challenge :(


  1. I love that. It's very evocative. Great visuals, great emotion. Draws me right in. Great six!

  2. Really enjoyed this extract. Vivid imagery and tension!

  3. Very nice. I especially like that she pulled herself "closer to the edge". It feels metaphoric there. Quick question: Do you need to state that he will run and that he is a runner in the next sentence or would it tighten it up to leave out "and run" since you have that he is a runner in the last? Just wondering since I don't know the rest of the paragraph...

  4. Lovely visuals, very nice. Since you asked our opinion, I also wonder about what the poster before me (Danette) said. She has a good point.

  5. Hi MC, Danete and Elyzabeth
    Thanks for your comments and thoughts *grins
    The repetitious nature of the sentence is an attempt at making Darrah's breathlessness translate into the text itself.

  6. Hmmm... I was confused by 'hide hidden' in the first line... but you have very nice descriptions :)

  7. I'm so glad you're participating in this!!! I love your writing and try to read whenever you post something you're working on :)

    I like this. I'm already intrigued by the runner guy. Sounds like she's been watching him for some time. I wonder where exactly that will lead and what he'll say when he finds out!