Wordsmithing: SIX SENTENCES - STARRING FROM THE NEW START ;)

Sunday 10 July 2011

SIX SENTENCES - STARRING FROM THE NEW START ;)

Thanks to everyone who offered their thoughts about my six sentences, last week.

THANK YOU! Your thoughts helped me think... so much. :D

A little late on, but, I've finally decided where STARRING should start ;) I've gone back to the inciting incident that got Lucas sent to boarding school.

STARRING

CHAPTER 1

INSIDE OUT

The weather was hot and humid, just like home. High over head, the sun broke through miserable clouds and forced rain-filled puddles to steam and shrink. The zoo appeared to be empty, everyone indoors at the watering hole. At the tiger enclosure, Lucas stared at the large Sumatran tiger and the tiger stared back at him. When Lucas placed his hand flat on the glass, the tiger turned its head and gnawed at the smooth surface. With its round yellow eyes fixed on him, the tiger paced away and quickly back again, Lucas was tempted to join in the dance.

OK? My Beta wanted blood rather than angst at the start

1 comment:

Danette12 July 2011 at 00:17
I like where you're going with this. There is the possibility of so much tension in these short phrases but I think you could (once again) do fill it in to make it even more tense... the steam in the air filling the air between the tiger and boy, something like that. Also, that tiger gnawing at the glass... there is a picture you might check out http://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2011/07/11/at-least-it-wasnt-an-image-of-jesus/
A similar idea- an owl who didn't realize the glass was there and left his imprint behind. You might say something like that here??? I don't know...
ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment

RETURN: YA Paranormal Romance

I was running late. But, it was nothing I couldn’t make up with a bit of effort. I shook my head. Confident and happy? I smiled. Increasing my stride, I pushed until the muscles in my legs burned. I kept up the pace even when the hill grew steeper.

Magpie Lane was hardly wider than a ribbon that edged the woods but that didn’t stop traffic using it to get to the motorway quicker. Large trucks and fast cars loved Magpie Lane. They sent vibrations running through me rising from the soles of my trainers. I felt the disturbance in the ground, even before the air pressure tried to knock me off balance. I hunched my shoulders as the cab hauling a container spat stones up at me.

Jogging on the spot, at the entrance to woodland, I ached to leave the road and go inside. My Mum was probably still asleep but I could hear her you-never-know-what might-be-in-there lecture buzzing on repeat inside my head. I should run safe. Not even I would argue that running through the woods on my own was the best definition of safe but I wanted to run-wild and the woodland offered me that. This early, I should be safe from axe murderers or perverts in the trees and besides, I was fast.

I jogged down the slope into the trees. From two paces in, I felt different. Freer. It felt so right. Running in the woods did great things for my style. Avoiding the roots and dodging branches forced my stride longer, I had to step higher. The woodland, The Weald, was only a sliver of ancient woodland that the developers forgot to build on but it felt like it could have been anywhere. Everywhere. At any time. The oaks and beech trees dominated the space and the skinny, silver-birches squeezed up beside them. I laughed. For a second, the woods reminded me of school and I needed to run a lot faster.

Pages

Sunday 10 July 2011

SIX SENTENCES - STARRING FROM THE NEW START ;)

1 comment: