MORTIMER IS AT THE TRIGGER MOMENT - Six Sentences for Sunday

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Thank you to those who decided to Follow, I've hit 300 *cheers and grins too widely, extra friends on this quest are always appreciated :D

I apologise for posting so late; it is Heatwave Sunday here. ;)


In between work and the extreme heat, I've been writing Mortimer's story. 


From the eight point story arc I found on Daily Writing Tips, Mortimer has just reached the Trigger.

The eight points which Watts lists are, in order:

1. Stasis
2. Trigger
3. The quest
4. Surprise
5. Critical choice
6. Climax
7. Reversal
8. Resolution

MG Sci-fi


Today, the six sentences I am going to post are taken from the Mortimer Chilton and The Collective:


Mortimer is alone in a sealed section of the space station, he is trying to use the powers he has been told he posses to find out if anyone else avoided being gassed when has unknown invaders neutralised The Collective in a pre-emptive strike.

Let me know what you think!

       If he had any skills they sure knew how to hide. As the afternoon wore on, Mortimer screwed up his face, stared hard at the ceiling and banged his head against the metal door of Seg - 8: he got eye ache, neck ache and a blinding head ache but his neural pathways moved like sludge and there was none of the lightness or bright flashes he'd been told to expect. Once, when he was making too much noise for a boy in hiding, he thought he heard someone shouting his name but he was behind air-tight, blast proof doors. He scanned the monitor again but there was no movement in the corridor outside. When he was finally too tired to think - too tired to keep trying to force his Psych skills to activate - Mortimer slid down to the floor and rested his head back against the wall. That was when he heard Fortinbras' voice deep inside his mind, "Bored now..." the whisper echoed, "the air in my tank is running out and you, Boy-in-a-can, are some final hope." 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?