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| I'll be under the third umbrella on the left ;) |
I forgot to sign up for - 6 SENTENCE SUNDAY - oops.
However, my SIX SENTENCES FOR SUNDAY come from DRAWN.
If you have any suggestions or ideas I would be delighted to hear them. As Danette, last week, reminded me it is important to make consistent choices when describing the way an MC views the action and interactions.
Voice is created by the way each writer controls:
- the order of the words in the sentence
- the use of punctuation marks, and
- vocabulary selection.
Darrah is The Arm of Elthor's Corp - this gives her responsibility for the men she selects to train and to lead. Her secret mission is to find the Regal's heir who has been taken. The evidence suggests that The Sarkisians - who, with their unusual powers and their need to feed directly from the living, are hated and feared - are responsible. Darrah, who has personal reasons to want all that race to husk and crumble is finding it hard deal with her reactions to Hale who has been sent to find out who, or what, is trying to destroy the fragile peace between their peoples.
Still shaking, Darrah stood with her back against the broad trunk of a tree, her fingers curled around her light bow, every sense alert.
The bow would only be useful if she was close enough to stab with the pointed tip at his exposed neck, but he’d have to be damn close and she’d have to be damn lucky. She imagined drawing an arrow from her bag, it would take too long. Too noisy. Her sensitive fingertips were tracking tools too, so she didn’t usually track through the forest with an arrow nocked and ready. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
I'm on holiday this week. Corfu. I've never been to Greece before. Culture, sand, sea and free alcohol, I'm loving it already ;)
Thanks for the tips on voice. Points that make good sense.
ReplyDeleteGreece! I'm jealous. Nice excerpt. One picky thing use, "were" close.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy being on Holiday. I'm hoping to go on holiday myself in about a week, so long as my new boss allows it.
ReplyDeleteEvery year we take a Halloween staycation. But like a dumb dumb. I put in for my time off so late.
Anyway, have a spooktacular holiday and an oogie boogie week.
Hope your holiday in Greece goes well and is undisturbed by the unrest there.
ReplyDeleteLots of action here and I'm into it! but maybe a bit more description? How are her senses alert? And then there's one sentence that feels a bit problematic in the second paragraph "She imagined drawing an arrow from her bag, it would take too long." You could change it to: "She imagined drawing an arrow from her bag. It would take too long. Too noisy." It's got good tension with your other short sentence so putting "It would take too long" as another one would add to it.
I think I am doing a better job at remembering the previous week's segment so I am getting a feel for your character and the story. I like it! It's interesting and has lots of intriguing stuff going on!
Oooh, Greece. I hope you're enjoying it.
ReplyDelete"Sense" and "sensitive" are used too close together, so it sounds repetitive. I would take one of them out. I also agree with Danette's usage of short sentences.