THERE'S NO NEED TO RING, WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE KEY

I can't say 100% that I came in through the front door, but entering via the window is not my normal MO. However,  I can recall once, probably a year ago, when I got 2/3 of the way through the window before one of the kidlets shifted themselves to let us in (if they will go to bed and leave a window open, they deserve to be woken by hysterical parents who have been drinking liquids stronger than the milk of human kindness.) There probably must have been some milk-type substances involved because I delivered the happy version of the "What did you think you were doing, going to bed leaving a LARGE downstairs window open" lecture. So, I probably entered the house via the door. 


This means there is a 50% probability the keys to my house are in here somewhere, and a 50% possibility that we are all going to be on the receiving end of unpleasantness by the someone who, with malice aforethought, pinched the keys from the door. (Making my house messy would be unkind, when I've been making time to keep it both hoovered and dusted recently.)


I have looked everywhere - no prepositional preposition was left unturned I hunted about  above across  against  along  alongside  amid  amidst  among  amongst  around aside  atop -- and the rest of the alphabet's worth -- I'd love to say I found the blasted things. Instead, it will a long night when every movement of the floorboards, every tap at the window (scrap that - got the keys already), every squeaking of the springs, will set my heart  racing.... or I could settle for the locking the bolts and putting on the chain, but what would be the fun in that?


PANIC IS... not being able to find the keys.