Bryan is holding a competition: it is a Logline/Hook Line Blogfest.This has to be the perfect way to end my day. I'm feeling in need of a little fun after my emotional roller coaster ride of a week.
I couldn't decide what to post for my logline/hook so I've posted two for the price of one. These are the hooks for both of my finished novels:
NEAR EDGWARE:
Jess’ gut-wrenching attraction drives her to track each shred of evidence until Caleb’s genetic make-up – his dual form - is revealed; she chooses to fight with the pack in the war being fought between those born human and the Were, risking more than her life to rescue the traumatised Caleb and bring him back to her love.
STAYING LOST
Jon Jacob Ashton used to have family now he has nothing between him and a very effective assassin but the hacker his father had arrested, the forger his mother saved from a beating on the Champs Elysées and the body guard who shot out the tyres on the family limo when she didn't get a job interview: if they get lost and stay lost, he might get to live.
OK! Now I'm off on a whistle stop tour of the Blog-o-sphere to read all the other hooks or loglines posted.
Oooh I like the Staying Lost one the best. You introduce the main character, the conflict, and intersting castmates...very good job!
ReplyDeleteohhh me too me too! I second Raquel, all the way!
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ReplyDeleteYes, the second one does sound very interesting. I want more please. =D
ReplyDeleteHi Racquel and Tessa
ReplyDeleteThe most interesting thing is that STAYING LOST grew from the logline - Nathan Bransford says this is the way it should be - with NEAR EDGWARE distilling the story has always been a struggle.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. :)
RaShelle - I'm happy you found my second story interesting, it is an MG action adventure.
ReplyDeleteI like the sound of both - very different story lines! Nicely done. :)
ReplyDeleteI think on the first I'd introduce the dual nature FIRST as that helps the reader orient. The latter sounds really interesting but the lack of punctuation made it a little hard to tell.
ReplyDeleteAs the Watery Tart from above noted, I stumbled over the structure of the first logline. Can you introduce the nature first, then add the remainder.
ReplyDeleteAlso, keep in mind specifics: can you change "risking more than her life" to reflect what the stakes really are? Give us the particulars and we'll be reeled in.
Thanks for joining the blogfest!
I'm with the others...Staying Lost would be my first choice. Interesting premise!! :)
ReplyDeleteNot sold on either one. The first is structurally strange. Attraction to what? Gut-wrenching sounds cliche. See if you can cut about 10 words from that one.
ReplyDeleteSecond has the same issues. You're trying to pack too much in there.
Aren't these things impossible? ;)
Thank you all for pitching in with ideas.
ReplyDeleteWT and Bryan - not really able to alter it because Caleb has two forms but only one nature - he is sentient, rational and aware, when he hasn't been beaten and tortured.
Ever watched Buffy: The movie? Gut-wrenching attraction is exactly what Jess is feeling.
I'm glad you love Jon Jacob Ashton's troubles - he and Nerysa were so much fun to write. I think it has wide appeal, not limited to "a book, written for boys."
The first part of Near Edgware kind of doesn't do it for me.
ReplyDelete"Jess' gut-wrenching attraction to Caleb drives her to track each shred of evidence until his genetic make-up- his dual form- is revealed;..." ?
Maybe? Play around with it.
The second, I think there are a few details you could leave out without losing the impact.
I think it's all about trimming down here. Otherwise, you have a good start. :)