Sunday, 13 November 2011



Family and all things Sunday have conspired against me again, and I am late to post. I'm beginning to think being rude to the family in Family Time is the only answer, that or posting on Saturday night late - so late it counts as Sunday.

Oh woe!

I read the reminder that chiseling and chipping at another writer's work is by invitation only so please, feel  yourself well-and-truly welcome to offer suggestions on ideas,  punctuation or vocabulary selection and a HUGE thank you to all of you who do :D

DRAWN fantasy/romance

Darrah is The Arm of Elthor's Corp - this gives her responsibility for the men she selects to train and to lead. Her secret mission is to find the Regal's heir who has been taken. The evidence suggests that The Sarkisians - who, with their unusual powers and their need to feed directly from the living, are hated and feared - are responsible. Darrah, who has personal reasons to want all that race to husk and crumble is finding it hard deal with her reactions to Hale who has been sent to find out who, or what, is trying to destroy the fragile peace between their peoples.

As Darrah slipped she scrabbled around for something to hold.
There were no rocks or roots in the cascade of small stones, dust and disturbed bats.
Louder than all, rushing blood filled her head with an ocean of sound. The sandy stone, frosted by glittering crystal, whirled by - light and dark, in turn - and all of it gilded by glimpses of the Sarkisian's golden skin. As the blended images spun in her mind, she ran her hand over the leather strips that banded his arm until she curled her fingers around Hale's wrist. 
Time slowed when Darrah realised she now hung over a precipice and the Sarkisian's fingers strained away from  her.

Happy Sunday! I hope you are all keeping up with your writing targets and the words are flowing.


1 comment:

  1. I am most definitely having a hard time balancing everything! And as a result I am not getting much of anything done. Frustating.

    As far as your six sentences go... my first thought was that you don't need to break this up into different paragraphs (if that's the way you have it on your document). Having it as one paragraph might give it a more connected feel. There's a lot of good description here! I wouldn't rush it too much- I enjoy the description very much!
    In the sentence "Louder than all, rushing blood filled her head with an ocean of sound." would be tighter if it were just "Rushing blood filled her head with an ocean of sound." Also, I wonder: present tense might make the action feel more... immediate?

    Just thoughts, as always, as I am just reading segments. Take them for what they're worth.