It must be Sunday, I'm thinking about six sentences. :)
With a huge thanks to Danette, the opening of STARRING has been rewritten.
While I was in America - and not burning my butt, or reading, or a combination of the two - I was working on the new opening.
I have written the sections joining up the inciting incident that was so extreme it got our hero sent to boarding school with the events that made him decide to run away even though he has nowhere to go.
The sunlight broke through miserable clouds and almost immediately the puddles steamed and fogged the main window of the tiger enclosure. Glancing around, relieved no one was near, Hari placed his hand flat against the glass and rubbed a circle clear.
The prowling Sumatran tiger closed the distance between them. Showing teeth and a cavernous mouth, the tiger turned its head and lapped at the drops misting the inside of the window. It gnawed at the surface where Hari’s hand still rested.
“Hey there, Little Brother. I told you I’d come.”
Did you spot the name change?
The hero of the story is/was called Lucas Orme but I've had to argue the case for "Lucas' parents" against "Lucas's parents" too often.
Am I over-stressing?
I decided the most simple solution was to find a different name for the boy's parents to saddle him with:
- They are obsessed with their work on tiger conservation
- The Malay for tiger is Harimau
They were more than likely to do it to their son: Hari Orme.
There is a problem with naming the hero of a book about a boy who is sent to a boarding school that aims to ensure an all-round education including magical studies Hari but I can't quite remember what it might be ;)