Brenda Drake is running a best first line contest with prizes. Weronika Janczuk (Veronica,) a Literary Agnet from D4EO Literary will be offering critiques
Prizes from Weronika:
1st place — a critique of the first 50 pages + query
2nd place — a critique of the first 25 pages + query
3rd place — a critique of the query
2nd place — a critique of the first 25 pages + query
3rd place — a critique of the query
Just post the first line of a completed manuscript on your blog between the 7th - 8th February and invite criticism. This is not as scary as it sounds.
Then post your improved first line on Brenda’s blog on 9th February.
Name: Elaine Smith
Title: ENCOUNTERS
Genre: MG SF
Genre: MG SF
She imagined a house with foundations not wheels, parents who worked as accountants, and salty pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches: a life, but it hadn't been hers.
AMENDED?
She imagined the house with foundations, not wheels; parents who worked as accountants and salty, pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches.
She imagined a house with foundations, not wheels, parents who worked as accountants and salty, pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches.
She imagined a house with foundations, not wheels, parents who worked as accountants and slices of death in thin, white sandwiches, only the break discs screamed.
The original paragraph
She imagined the house with foundations not wheels, parents who worked as accountants, and salty pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches. In the cream and maroon van, converted into a home, they swerved across the white lines painted down the centre of the road. Really, they had no choice: a wall of rock; the petrol tanker lying more like a victim than an assassin or the drop to the wide river.
AMENDED?
She imagined the house with foundations, not wheels; parents who worked as accountants and salty, pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches.
She imagined a house with foundations, not wheels, parents who worked as accountants and salty, pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches.
She imagined a house with foundations, not wheels, parents who worked as accountants and slices of death in thin, white sandwiches, only the break discs screamed.
The original paragraph
She imagined the house with foundations not wheels, parents who worked as accountants, and salty pink slices of death in thin white sandwiches. In the cream and maroon van, converted into a home, they swerved across the white lines painted down the centre of the road. Really, they had no choice: a wall of rock; the petrol tanker lying more like a victim than an assassin or the drop to the wide river.
THE END - OR, IN FACT, THE START:
She wedged her feet against the rail to stop herself sliding while she pressed her forehead to her knees. Something wet trickled down the side of her nose.
“Brace yourself,” her Dad hissed through clenched teeth, “and keep you head down!”
