tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post4664707225307265552..comments2024-03-11T22:54:06.514+00:00Comments on Wordsmithing: Kelly Lyman's FIRST PAGE BLOGFESTAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-75325349002104236792010-04-05T05:14:06.409+01:002010-04-05T05:14:06.409+01:00I like the setting. You feel her loss to a degree...I like the setting. You feel her loss to a degree...and her sadness, but you also key in on the rain. Rain washes things away, so mabye this is the beginning of her road to recovery.<br /><br />I like the line about the Fosters....especially the last part of that sentence.<br /><br />CatherineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-69003834631309466852010-04-04T14:16:28.481+01:002010-04-04T14:16:28.481+01:00So much sadnessSo much sadnessA misinterpreted wavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03567793709692182136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-65571664251535589352010-04-04T06:14:17.262+01:002010-04-04T06:14:17.262+01:00Morose and bleak. Well done. The dolls still freak...Morose and bleak. Well done. The dolls still freak me out a little, though. LOL.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17034419617457525778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-72152702856695989192010-04-04T05:05:20.329+01:002010-04-04T05:05:20.329+01:00Thank you for your feedback and I do have a questi...Thank you for your feedback and I do have a question - what is a "double apartment problem"?<br /><br />I enjoyed your excerpt very much. It was beautiful.<br /><br />I am also hosting a blogfest, details are on my site.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-24908366172771909452010-04-03T20:56:35.704+01:002010-04-03T20:56:35.704+01:00So beautiful! First time visitor of your blog. Lov...So beautiful! First time visitor of your blog. Love how this blogfest lets us meet new writing friends. Great writing!TerryLynnJohnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08380207155608982319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-41373868489419812532010-04-03T20:17:27.899+01:002010-04-03T20:17:27.899+01:00Oh--very nice.Oh--very nice.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-64742195411878965282010-04-03T15:33:59.524+01:002010-04-03T15:33:59.524+01:00Wow. I could feel her sadness and loss. The descri...Wow. I could feel her sadness and loss. The descriptions are wonderful. Great job and thanks for participating!Kelly Lymanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773120663217816189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-35662514048086835702010-04-03T13:25:32.393+01:002010-04-03T13:25:32.393+01:00REALLY liked this-- your descriptions are gorgeous...REALLY liked this-- your descriptions are gorgeous! Fave line: "I pushed my back into the edge of the wall and grated my spine to balance the pain, replace it with an ache much easier to deal with."Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-19369262898988799452010-04-03T09:18:40.742+01:002010-04-03T09:18:40.742+01:00Oh, thank you everyone for your kind and helpful t...Oh, thank you everyone for your kind and helpful thoughts. I love Flower's story, a study of loss. I'm going to finish it one day, writing the story meant I was living the grief alongside her.<br /><br />Welcome to Christine, Laura, Lilah and Roland - thank you for stopping by, commenting and for following too. :)<br /><br />Doesn't the smile seem out of place on Flower's page.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-22214847156677652722010-04-03T06:37:43.208+01:002010-04-03T06:37:43.208+01:00You describe rain's effects in such a vivid wa...You describe rain's effects in such a vivid way. The first paragraph was carefully crafted to merge the detail of the storm to the inner storm within the protagonist. Masterful.<br /><br />And I was moved by "the razor blade of loss" phrase. Loss. It does feel like that, doesn't it?<br /><br />Thank you for your comments on my own first page. The limitation to offering only the first page is that during the first chapter, the gunshots get progressively closer, letting Samuel know the danger is getting ever nearer. His time to figure out how to defend those inside his club is evaporating.<br /><br />I am gratified you liked my description of Meilori's. May you become published more quickly than you ever believed possible. Have a healing weekend, RolandRoland D. Yeomanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00338410857990551352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-16244288355210355672010-04-03T05:20:29.067+01:002010-04-03T05:20:29.067+01:00This was amazing! Loved it! Just visited your blog...This was amazing! Loved it! Just visited your blog for the first time and I'm loving it! <br /><br />This was really sad but I love how heartfelt it was.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-87656033350604075372010-04-03T04:57:35.086+01:002010-04-03T04:57:35.086+01:00Wow, you really go into the heart of things. So de...Wow, you really go into the heart of things. So deep and honest. Good job with that for sure. I don't know how you've done 40 (probably more by now?) I've only hit about 20 or so and I'm ready to call it quits. There's just so many! :)Tiana Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13568247032288076461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-36092710396298144562010-04-03T03:33:23.902+01:002010-04-03T03:33:23.902+01:00Exquisitely crafted but so, so sad. My own heart a...Exquisitely crafted but so, so sad. My own heart ached for her.VR Barkowskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04927993233682731113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-8413106185573448842010-04-03T03:23:55.054+01:002010-04-03T03:23:55.054+01:00This is a great first page. I really feel for the ...This is a great first page. I really feel for the girl.sally https://www.blogger.com/profile/11068670473065918371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-32013540229999773352010-04-03T01:42:10.805+01:002010-04-03T01:42:10.805+01:00Dark and edgy. This captures the depth of pain ve...Dark and edgy. This captures the depth of pain very well. Good job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13380826220166366026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-69589608054120842202010-04-03T00:59:44.001+01:002010-04-03T00:59:44.001+01:00This is SO great, I can really feel what Flower is...This is SO great, I can really feel what Flower is feeling. I'm intrigued and I feel empathy for your characters which is usually what hooks me on a book. Great job!Crystal Cookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06665844725894074136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-90035477540711725512010-04-03T00:08:36.724+01:002010-04-03T00:08:36.724+01:00Thank you all for your thoughts which I appreciate...Thank you all for your thoughts which I appreciate. I'll look at the dialogue trying to make sure it is obvious that the stresses of fostering are felt by the children in that family was important to me. The idea that they had added biro tatoo marks on the faces of their dolls but not disturbed their pretty dresses was the key - while making them sing with Next Top Whatever!<br />I'm working down the hill of Blogs - many more to go.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-4949468594679104332010-04-02T23:54:59.647+01:002010-04-02T23:54:59.647+01:00This was really special, I felt so much empathy fo...This was really special, I felt so much empathy for that poor child.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-44626978333979717692010-04-02T23:36:06.503+01:002010-04-02T23:36:06.503+01:00Do you mean you've read 40 from this blogfest?...Do you mean you've read 40 from this blogfest? Wow, you go! I think I'm around half that!<br /><br />You've really done well showing her character. I'd love to see more :)Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008153523366719973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-44207866217674754652010-04-02T23:32:12.807+01:002010-04-02T23:32:12.807+01:00I did get a sense of her sadness, which was great....I did get a sense of her sadness, which was great. But I was a tiny confused once I hit the dialogue. I didn't know what some of the terms were - biroed or popmoguls. I didn't understand about the audition. I think with more details from your mc that would change everything. I love dark and sad tales, so good luck with this. It's a huge step to get the feel for your mc. Details are the easy part. :)Laura Paulinghttp://www.laurapauling.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-43858110002774605432010-04-02T23:13:42.166+01:002010-04-02T23:13:42.166+01:00Dark and moody and drew me in.Dark and moody and drew me in.Tricia J. O'Brienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993110400088806252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-86731515471155084162010-04-02T22:50:52.915+01:002010-04-02T22:50:52.915+01:00I've hit number 40 on the list - have you guys...I've hit number 40 on the list - have you guys finished? <br /><br />"But I have promises to keep,<br />And miles to go before I sleep." me and Robert Frost - X - like that!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15459671422564355990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-34610585109886410662010-04-02T22:34:09.169+01:002010-04-02T22:34:09.169+01:00Oh...there was some real heart ache in that. Care...Oh...there was some real heart ache in that. Carefully crafted and beautifully written. Good job!!DL Hammonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007260062331783715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-82665548775939047692010-04-02T22:19:26.837+01:002010-04-02T22:19:26.837+01:00I like the mood you've created and I definitel...I like the mood you've created and I definitely want to read on.Laura Canonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16574566234310522696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7673700697394236559.post-39563189125536177732010-04-02T21:53:24.075+01:002010-04-02T21:53:24.075+01:00Great job! I really love the last line--I could fe...Great job! I really love the last line--I could feel what she was feeling.Christine Danekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00979611961825725350noreply@blogger.com